Phrases and Quotes

Here are some fun and/or inspiring quotes and phrases.


"I want: a flat tummy and a fat arse... not the other way around."


"Don't better my lines"


"I don't start arguments... I end them!"


"I was born at least 300 years too early"


"If you would only concentrate on liking me for who I am, you might spend less time disliking me for what I am!"


"Parts of my body are telling me 'I'm up for it' but other parts are saying: 'you're not up to it!'


"Deadwood is also known as drift-wood, you only hold on to it 'til a rescue comes along... until then, you're only drifting!"


"It's nice out..."

"Yes, it is... I'm thinking of getting mine out too!"


"I take men as they come!"


"Big knob is ok, only if you have one, not if you are one!"


"There's only two kinds of Homophobe: those that wish they were gay and those that wished they hadn't!"


"Sometimes, in a heated debate, amongst all the arguing and shouting, remaining poised, composed and saying nothing, can be most deafening."



Being trans is like getting a Lego set, but then realising the instructions are for another Lego set entirely, but you don't have any other instructions so you just kinda have to work with what you got while looking at the picture on the box. 
Luna Alarie Cardieux


The best way to get over a man is to get under another.
Denise Van Outen (I don't know who said it originally).


Hatred can be overcome only by love.


Be the change you want to see in the world.


Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.
Mahatma Gandhi


Cherish each hour of this day for it can never return.
Og Mandino, an American author


And how unusual to serve Spaghetti Bolognese, without the taste.
Aunty Edna, (Barry Humphries)


When my first wife lost her credit card, I didn't report it because whoever found it was spending less than she was.
Warren Buffet, an American business magnate, investor, and philanthropist


Being male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. But being a gentleman is a matter of choice.
Vin Diesel, an American actor


I don't care if you're black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, rich or poor. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you.
Eminem, an American rapper, songwriter, record producer, record executive and actor


Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
Winston S. Churchill, former British Prime Minister 


Gay sex is literally twice as manly as straight sex.



Homosexuality is found in over 450 species. Homophobia is only found in one.



There’s a big difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Mr Francot


“Let’s eat Grandma!”
“Let’s eat, Grandma!”
Punctuation saves lives.

Hannah Barness


If I could be half the person my dog is, I'd be twice the human I am.



Put it on a pizza and I'll eat it!

A gaydar profile next to the question, favourite food


I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou


Here is some food for thought... We should place the elderly in prisons. They will get a shower a day, video surveillance in case of problems, three meals a day, access to a library, computer, TV, gym, doctors on-site, free medication if needed. 

Put criminals in nursing homes. They have cold meals, lights off at 7pm, two showers a week, live in a smaller room and pay rent at £4,000 a month!!! It's pretty sad that we treat prisoners better than the elderly.


Don't make excuses for nasty people. You can't put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.


You see a person's true colours when you are no longer beneficial to their life.


I might wake up early and go running. I also might wake up and win the lottery. The odds are about the same.


If I wanted to listen to an asshole... I'd fart!


Grammar is important. Capital letters are the difference between "helping your Uncle Jack off a horse" and "helping your uncle jack off a horse."


If you say 'gullible' slowly, it sounds like 'oranges'.



Welcome to Amsterdam. When it's hot please dress for the body you have, not the body you want, thanks.


The best way to avoid disappointment is not to expect anything from anyone.


When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.
Marcus Aurelius


An entire sea of water can't sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can't put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.


Deep in my heart I know I am a loner. I have tried to blend in with the world and be sociable, but the more people I meet the more disappointed I am, so I've learned to enjoy myself, my family and a few good friends.
Steven Aitchison


Be nice or fuck off!
At the bottom of a Grindr profile



Essentials to a successful partnership start with honesty. From honesty, a trust will develop automatically. From trust, love will blossom. So honesty, trust and then love... without any of those three essentials, you'll be missing the bond that determines a life-long partnership... with anyone or anything.


I've always held the door open for the next person to walk in or out of the door I've just used... gay, elderly, black and white folk and even children... but I will always tell them off if they don't say thank you.

Only ever nice - if you are fortunate enough to outlive your friends; then they will have lived their lives knowing that you were only ever nice.
If your friends outlive you; then you leave a memory to everyone that you were only ever nice.

I always make a point of checking the person behind me in the supermarket queue to see if they only have two or three items and if they do, offer for them to go ahead of me. I then comment that it's my good deed for the day and that now I've carried it out; I can return to being a miserable old git!

I have more respect for the elderly than any other member of the human race.

I insist on starting any conversation with a smile and a pleasant greeting... that way, if it goes downhill or pear-shaped, it was the other person's fault.

I gave up one of my favourite pastimes of singing indoors with amplification or playing music loudly purely to retain the respect that I offer my neighbours, to express good neighbourly conduct and appreciate other people's peace and quiet. It also allows you to command a degree of respect back.

Teach someone with their hands on... not yours. I believe that a more successful way to teach someone how to move around a computer screen and how to perform tasks is to give them the controls from the start and use only your eyes and gentle vocal encouragement. They are also more likely to retain what they have learned by being hands-on. 


Keep love separate from finance. If you lend money to a loved one, keep it business... no matter how well, how long you have known them or even how much you love them. A breakdown in a financial arrangement is a nuisance and inconvenient... letting a loved-one off from repaying you can create resentment, possibly damaging the relationship. Keep it a business arrangement and write it down too, both signing an agreement (unless you're so loaded, then it doesn't matter).


Everyone, look after the elderly... and keep it going! You'll see what I mean, in time!