Posted on 20th March, 2019

reflectionsI have been keeping myself busy with getting involved in other people's projects and lives. I learn a lot from listening to the problems of the people in my life who I care about. It is a quick fix remedy to the regular feeling I have each and every day. Most recently, my sister's project of a collage photo frame of her grandchildren for her new kitchen has been a joy to work with and see the pleasure that it has given her. Helping Jezz with emails and letter writing hopefully keeps what skills I have up to date. Discussions with my sister about life's goals and the hurdles along the way remind me of not only how lucky I am with my lot but also how it temporarily covers over the cracks of my own insecurity and feeling of worthlessness. I've also been involved with some proof-reading with a book that my friend is writing and again, I am reminded that although limited, I am serving a purpose to others, sometimes.

But with all that taken into account, I still have these heavy bouts of feeling useless. It can manifest with my sitting alone and just wondering: 'what am I waiting for?' 

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