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REFLECTIONS - March 2020

Posted on 18th March, 2020

I haven’t been writing my blog of late because I haven’t done anything or been anywhere to report on. Also, what has gone on in my life is too depressing to write about. Worse than that, documenting it brings everything to the surface, in exactly the same way as being assessed and asked to recall all of my failings.

I received a letter instructing me to attend another assessment. It was to be held in a building in Croydon and then a panic attack ensued. I focused and made a request for a home visit instead and was asked to provide ‘further medical evidence’ to warrant a home visit. My GP didn’t help and I found out later that it was because he had returned a form declaring that I had no anxiety issues, nor that was I housebound. I contacted my consultant at the clinic who was extremely helpful, as was one of the health advisors. The letter stopped any further appointments being made at the assessment centre and my case was passed to the team who organise home visits. I was advised that there would be a long wait as there is a backlog of appointments.

In the meantime, I returned to my GP’s office where I broke down and cried in front of him. I said that I was very disappointed in him and that considering he is the very person who prescribes a high dose of antidepressants and Diazepam, then he should be aware of what causes my anxiety and panic. He reconsidered and decided that he should write a letter and that maybe I would benefit from a home visit. I was grateful but said that it may not be necessary as my consultant had stepped in.

The face to face assessment took place in my home last week. The lady was pleasant and I didn’t feel as uncomfortable as I thought I would be. I was extremely nervous leading up to the appointment and realised that I was resorting to the Diazepam more.

During this time period, I have received letters stating that it is that time again for me to choose a new vehicle. I have been arranging test drives and have considered the Volvo XC40, a Toyota C-HR Hybrid and another Mini Countryman. I compared the models for each make and the optional extras and their costs. I decided on the Toyota and placed the order a couple of weeks ago.

And now new anxiety has reached the UK. Over the past few months, the world has been trying to cope with a new virus that is highly contagious, the Coronavirus (Covid-19). It started in China and quickly spread to Italy. The rates of infection and deaths have been increasing globally. It feels as though it came to the UK in late February. I haven’t joined in the mad panic buying and emptying of the supermarket shelves but the rest of the world has. I suppose it’s because of the way I usually shop. Kelly remarked that when she saw news items of people fighting in the supermarket aisles over toilet rolls that she thought of me and realised that I wouldn’t be affected as I’ve always bought and stored in bulk anyway. But I experienced first hand last Sunday, when I went shopping with Jezz to Morrisons, that people were buying aggressively and we were both keen to find a new way of grocery shopping, particularly as the virus and the panic are getting worse every day.

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